Why do people assume that people only have affairs for sex?

In my (our) case sex wasn't the driving force. Sharing a simple day in the countryside or a long chat over a glass of wine and yes the occasional intimacy was what we both enjoyed. The whole being together and enjoying each other's company was what made it special.

I 'like' but don't 'love' him therefore I wouldn't ask him to leave his wife nor would I let him tell her about me (even though he wanted to). I hope this makes sense?

How many people choose to ignore or even actively encourage their partners to have an affair?

I've heard of those who simply enjoy the status of being married (or coupledom) and all the benefits it brings. They don't want to rock the boat or overturn the cosy applecart.

This is fine for the husband and wife but what about the poor lover?

Please note: I don't intend continuing a relationship with MrX (or embarking on one with MrY or MrZ) if they're in a "permanent" relationship with MrsX (or MrsY or MrsZ)!

It seems to me (and I am prepared to be corrected on this) that women appear to be more monogamous than men.

Men seem to be able to stay married to one woman (for various reasons already covered in previous comments) yet don't consider it 'wrong' to enter into a relationship with another woman.

Whilst I was married, fidelity was a matter of course and wouldn't be unfaithful. Perhaps I'm old fashioned and have those values instilled in me - I don't know.

Now I am divorced I'd love the emotional stability of a one to one relationship but have become involved with a married man. I can't in all conscience handle being "the other woman".

Can someone explain to me:

Why two people continue to stay together and yet emotionally tear each other apart?

Why two people continue to stay together when they have little or no interest in one another?

Why do people have affairs rather than free themselves from a failed relationship first?

Why did I have to fall for a married man when it was something I vowed never to do?

Why oh why?